Are you getting the full story?
It’s a funny paradox of leadership: the higher up you go, the harder it becomes to figure out what people actually think.
I was reminded of this recently during a chat on the Culture Is an Inside Job podcast. We were digging into communication and why incredibly capable people often hold back. It's a dynamic I see all the time in my work with CEOs and boards:
Someone disagrees with a decision but softens their opinion to keep the peace.
Another person waits to see which way the boss is leaning before weighing in.
Someone else spots a glaring problem but decides the friction just isn’t worth it.
From the head of the table, that silence looks exactly like agreement. But usually, it’s something else entirely.
You can only make good decisions if you have the whole picture. When your team sugarcoats or filters information before it gets to you, you're operating in the dark. That's why candor isn't just a "culture" thing, it’s a critical part of how the business actually functions.
I often tell leaders they need to "stop the dance." But how do you actually do that? You have to change the mechanics of your conversations. If you want the unvarnished truth, start with these three approaches:
1. Speak last If you share your opinion right out of the gate, you immediately anchor the room. People will consciously or subconsciously align with your stance. State the problem clearly, and then let your team do the talking before you show your hand.
2. Change the question Asking "Does anyone disagree?" or "Any objections?" practically begs for silence. Instead, ask questions that require critical thinking. Try asking, "What is the biggest risk in this plan?" or "If this fails in six months, why did it happen?" Make it their job to find the holes.
3. Reward the pushback People pay close attention to what happens when someone actually raises an uncomfortable point. Do you get defensive? Do you rush to move on? Your reactions become their instructions. When someone challenges the consensus, publicly thank them for it. Prove in real-time that friction is safe and valued.
A strong leadership team doesn't need to argue constantly, but they do need the confidence that vital information will surface before a decision is finalized.
The Pebble
Think about a recent decision where the room reached an agreement a little too quickly. Go to one person whose perspective you value and ask them:
“What did you think about that decision that we didn’t fully discuss?”
Then, just listen. Do not defend the decision.
The Ripple
Pay attention to what happens next. Do you hear something new? Does a concern surface that never quite made it into the meeting? Notice if that person becomes a bit more direct the next time you speak. Small shifts in how you invite and respond to disagreement can drastically improve the quality of the information you receive.
The Question
What might your team be reluctant to tell you right now because of how you’ve responded in the past?
Be Safe. Be Inspired. Be You.
-Joe Morgan
